New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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