i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
