I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
