Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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