When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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