I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
