I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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