woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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