Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
