Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
