he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
