Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
