I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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