if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
