So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
