i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
