can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
