if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
