If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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