My room smells like vodka and shame
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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