Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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