that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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