You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
