When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
