Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
