my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
