I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
