walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
