google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
