How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
