xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
