so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
