There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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