Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
