If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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