If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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