Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so explain again why im purple
no
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
