who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
