Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
