Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
