When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
