Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
