before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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