you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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