my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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