maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
