I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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