therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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