My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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