TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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