I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
