you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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