Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I will be naked everywhere
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
