I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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